The Xmen Present: Intermission
by Chellerbelle
Summary: So what do the X-men do in between playing parts in mixed up fairy tales? They enjoy intermission of course! Plotless nonsense. Just for laughs.


**AN: ****Lucida Lownes** asked me for a whole story full of the 'breaks' or the commentary from my fairy tales. So, here you go and I hope you enjoy this piece of plotless nonsense :D

The moral of the story: Chellerbelle's mind is a very strange place!

* * *

"Well," said Gambit. "I'd say this intermission calls for refills on the goodies. Who's with me?"

"Me!" Pyro declared. "I can help you pop the popcorn!"

"Ha! I bet I can pop more then you."

"Oh yeah? Is that a challenge mate?"

"It's coming from me. Of course it's a challenge. To the kitchen!"

"Dunna dunna dunna Batman!" Pyro yelled as he followed Gambit out.

"Oh thank goodness he's gone," Rogue sighed. "Now, where can I hide?"

"Oh for goodness sakes Rogue," said Jean disgustedly. "You spend all that time mooning over Scott -"

"I did not!"

"And now that you have a guy mooning over you, you're running away from him all the time."

"Maybe she likes being chased," Kitty giggled.

"I do not!" Rogue objected.

"You know Kitty," Jean said thoughtfully. "You may have a good point there."

"No she doesn't!"

"I think we need to help Remy catch her."

"Yeah!" Kitty cheered.

"I don't know," Kurt frowned. "This is Gambit we're talking about here. I don't know that I want him dating my sister."

"Thank you Kurt," Rogue said, somewhat pleased.

"I certainly don't want that low-life anywhere near Rogue," Mystique said.

"He's lucky I haven't shish-kabobed him yet," Logan nodded.

"Your opinions don't count," Jean said. "Don't glare at me like that."

"Their opinions do count," Rogue said. "Well, maybe not Mystique's..."

"Thanks a lot," Mystique replied. "I may not have been the best mother but - "

"Can it," Rogue said, waving a hand.

"You only value their opinions because they agree with yours," Jean said. "So, Kitty, any ideas for helping Remy to catch Rogue?"

"Like, this is gonna need some thought," Kitty considered. "In fact, we probably should, like, have this discussion where she can't hear us."

"Indeed. We should join Remy and John in the kitchen."

"Yes, lets!"

"It's all a conspiracy," Rogue muttered. "Now, back to picking out a hiding spot."

Jean and Kitty found Gambit and Pyro popping popcorn. Pyro had a fires lit underneath pots of popcorn while Gambit was charging the kernels directly. There was popcorn everywhere.

"Umm, guys? We do, like, have a popcorn maker," Kitty pointed out.

"Now where would be the fun in that, petite?" Gambit asked.

"Well, there wouldn't be so much popcorn on the floor," Jean said.

"What? You don't like the feel of popcorn between your toes?" Pyro asked.

"Not really."

"Strange girl."

"I'm strange?"

"See? She admits it!"

"I did not."

"Whatever," Kitty cut in. "So Remy, Jean and I were like, thinking that we should help you catch Rogue."

"Don't need help. I have her in the palm of my hand. She just doesn't know it yet," Gambit nodded.

More popcorn flew across the kitchen.

"Uh huh, well, she's not the only one," Jean replied.

"She was looking for a hiding spot," Kitty added.

"Oh reaaaalllly?" Gambit pondered. "I can work with that."

"Umm, you can?"

"Sure. It's just like playing hide and seek. I'm very good at hide and seek. Of course, I'm usually stealing something at the time but that's hardly the point."

"Note to self, don't play hide and seek with Remy," Jean said.

Gambit chuckled wickedly.

A lot of bowls, butter, salt and popped kernels later, the four waded through the popcorn on the kitchen floor and back to the viewing room. Kitty and Jean had also raided the fridge for drinks.

"Yoo hoo! Roguey!" called Gambit.

"All right, we're all ready for the next fairy tale," Jean said.

**Well, you might be, but I'm not. I'm trying to figure out the cast for _Beauty and the Beast_. And _The Little Mermaid_. Not to mention _Robin Hood_, _Aladdin_ and _Swan Lake_.**

"Umm Chellerbelle, correct me if I'm wrong, but not all of those are actually fairy tales," Scott said.

**So?**

"I'm just saying."

**I'll retell any myth, legend or fairy tale I feel like.**

"Wait what version of _The Little Mermaid_ are you going to do?" asked Kitty. "Because, like, I've read the original story by Hans Christian Anderson and I totally like the Disney version better."

"Why?" asked Bobby. "What happens?"

"The prince she falls in love with marries another woman and she dies."

"I know you're around here somewhere, cherie," Gambit said.

Scott started laughing.

"Can you imagine Rogue as the little mermaid and Remy as the prince? I wonder who the other woman would be?"

"There is no other woman. There is only Rogue," Gambit replied. "Speaking o' Roguey, it seems that she has hidden herself away so cleverly that I can't find her. So I'm just going to sit here next to this curtain behind which Roguey is almost certainly not hiding and work on writing poetry."

"You write poetry?" Kitty asked in surprise.

"No," Gambit answered as he made himself comfortable. "But ma chere loves poetry, so mebbe if I try my hand at somet'ing I can win her over dat way? Lemme see:

_Roses are red  
Violets are blue_... wait are violets blue? Why aren't violets violet?

_Roses are red  
Violets are violet  
This Cajun is spicy  
And so are you._

Wait, 'you' doesn't rhyme with 'violet'. Hmm... what rhymes with violet?"

**Ooooooh! I just worked out who the other woman is!**

"There is no other woman! And I refuse to be involved in any production that involves me hooking up with anyone but Roguey."

"Like, I really want the Disney version," Kitty added. "Chellerbelle? Please can we have the Disney version? Tragic endings are sad."

"What a shocking concept," Jean grinned.

**I'll consider it.**

"Maybe we should, like, start a petition," Kitty giggled.

"If we do the Disney version, will we have to sing?" asked Scott.

"Oooh let's do the Disney version of _Beauty and the Beast_," Jubilee said. "Remy can be the candelabra, Lumiere and Rogue can be Fifi the Feather duster."

Kitty giggled.

"Yeah! It'll be just like real life! Remy chasing Rogue around."

**Actually I was going to do the original version.**

"Aww, butbutbut... Lumiere is a ladies man! And so's Remy! It totally fits perfectly! And I can be Belle and Lance can be Gaston -"

"Hey what?" Lance objected.

"And Colossus can be Beast, and then he can like, power-down to turn into Prince Piotr," Kitty went on merrily. "See? It works perfectly."

"I don't want to be the bad guy!"

"Well, like, you can't change your appearance."

**I really shouldn't be brainstorming with you guys. Especially as everything you're saying is being written down by me anyway, so I'm really just brainstorming with myself. So I've basically just said I shouldn't be brainstorming with myself, except that if I don't brainstorm with myself there will be no brainstorming done at all. Enter the paradox!**

"Okay, what about this," Gambit said.

"_Roses are red  
Violets are violet  
My heart aches to see you  
All dressed in scarlet_

Hmm. I think that's a better poem for John to give to Wanda. Why are we talking about flowers anyway?"

"You're the one writing this poem," Wanda pointed out. "Use whatever you want."

"Hmm. This poetry business is harder than it looks."

"I say for _Robin Hood_ that you ignore the Disney version and do the _Men in Tights_ version," Kurt nodded. "I love that movie!"

"Yeah that soooo funny," Kitty agreed. "Remy's totally Robin Hood and Rogue's Maid Marian of course. And plus she wears a chastity belt to which Remy has the only key and -"

"That seems strangely appropriate," Jean mused. "But who would be the Sheriff of Rottingham who's lusting after Rogue? And who would be Latrine, who's lusting after the Sheriff of Rottingham?"

**Okay I wasn't going to parody Mel Brooks' version either. Seriously guys, a parody of a parody? That's just asking for trouble. I was just going to make it up as I went along.**

"Aww but if you do the Men in Tights version, Professor Xavier could play King Richard. I bet he could do an awesome Patrick Stewart," Kitty grinned.

"Oh I can," Professor Xavier nodded eagerly. "Watch my Captain Picard impersonation."

He leaned on the arm of his chair and lifted his opposing hand in the air.

"Engage."

"Ooh chills," Kitty giggled.

"I have another one!" Gambit declared. "Ahem:

_My eyes are red  
Your eyes are green  
Together we make a greater couple  
Than Scott and Jean!_"

"Hey!" Scott and Jean objected.

"Well, we do. I mean, just look at you. Jean keeps dying all the time and getting cloned and brought back from the dead -"

"No I don't -" Jean attempted to interrupt.

"And Scott ends up marrying and having a child with your clone -"

"What now?" Scott questioned.

"And den when yo' two get married, Scott ends up having an affair with Emma Frost -"

"Who's Emma Frost?" Scott asked.

"Yeah," Jean said, her eyes narrowed. "That's what I want to know."

"And I stopped reading the wikipedia entry after dat 'cause it was just getting far too complicated and angsty," Gambit nodded. "Now see, Roguey and I are a much better couple 'cause even though we're on and off a bit, ultimately love prevails."

**You know Remy, I think you and I have to have a bit of a chat about you looking up the comicverse history.**

"Yeah, you're probably wondering how it is I manage to get out of the _X-men Evolution_ verse and find out all this stuff. Well, cherie, I am a thief. Getting into places I'm not supposed to be is what I do."

**Uh huh.**

"Now, let's see, I think I need to write another poem. Maybe a limerick this time. There once was a belle fille named Rogue-chere..."

"That's not muh name swamp rat!" Rogue objected, finally coming out from behind the curtain. "And just can the bad poetry already."

"Aww? You don't like my attempts to write love poems? Doesn't the thought count?" Gambit asked, grabbing hold of Rogue and pulling her into his lap.

"I'm sorry, love poems? Is that what you call that rubbish? And let go of me!"

"Ahem:

_There once was a belle fille named Rogue-chere  
Who had a belle white streak through her brown hair  
Her suitor she rejected  
But he remained unaffected  
For he loved his belle fille named Rogue-chere_"

"You just don't give up, do you?"

"Nope."

"I should have stayed behind the curtain."

"Aww, but I think it's sweet," sighed Kitty. "If you don't start dating him Rogue, I'm going to beat you up."

"Yeah? You and what army?"

"Ohhh Ja-mie!"

"Forget I asked."

"Popcorn, Roguey?" Gambit asked.

"Yeah, thanks."

"I popped it myself."

"I'm sure you did."

"Now lets see, for Aladdin, well, obviously Remy would be Aladdin 'cause they're both thieves too," Kitty considered. "Which makes Rogue Jasmine -"

"I am so tired of Rogue and Remy being the stars," sighed Jean. "I want to be the heroine, just once."

"Ooooh! You should be Ariel!" Kitty said bouncing. "You've got the red hair. So that makes Scott Prince Eric and then that Emma Frost chick could be Ursula."

"You could even do the original version where the little mermaid dies and it would all still be in character," Gambit joked.

**As amusing as that idea is Kitty, I've already decided who the other woman is.**

"I keep telling you! There is no other woman," Gambit said glaring.

**But I think I'll go with the Disney ending.**

"Do I get to be the King this time?" asked the Professor.

**What is the obsession you have with being the King?**

"That's what I'd like to know," Magneto nodded.

"It probably has something to do with his girlfriend Lilandra being an Empress," Gambit nodded.

**Remy is there anyone you haven't been looking up in wikipedia? Or comics of mine you haven't read?**

"Sure there are. I haven't read your Phantom comics. What fun is a superhero who has no superpowers?"

**Hey, you liked the _Batman_ movies.**

"Oh yeah. I forgot about him. Well, all your Phantom comics are black and white."

**Just because I get the Australian ones instead of importing international editions...**

"Your Marvel comics are imported. And so are your TMNT comics. Although the TMNT ones are black and white as well. I ask you, what's the point of black and white comic books? It's seems so unnatural."

**Would you stop going through my comics?**

"Hmm, no. I like looking at the pretty _colour_ pictures of me and Roguey. Especially ones that involve us kissing. Speaking of which -"

"Uh oh," said Rogue, trying to get up out of Gambit's lap.

"I haven't kissed you all intermission cherie."

"I was hoping you wouldn't notice."

Gambit chuckled, then proceeded to kiss her thoroughly.

"Hey how are you going to do _Swan Lake_," asked Scott. "It's a ballet."

**I was planning on dressing you all up in tights...**

"_Swan Lake_ is a story," Jean nodded.

"It is? I thought it was just prancing around on stage."

"This make come as a shocking concept but yes, there is a story."

"Oooh scripted prancing around on stage. You're not gonna make us dance are you Chellerbelle?"

**What would be the point? This whole thing is being typed. No one would see it.**

"Phew! Dodged that bullet."

**Pity, I can just picture you in a tutu.**

"Lies. All lies."

**Wiggling your butt.**

"He has a butt?" asked Rogue.

"Sure he does, cherie," Gambit nodded. "That's where the stick lives."


End file.
